As you know, we're HUGE sports fans so when the Olympic Committee for Overconsumption hand-picked *us* to give a behind-the-slopes looq of the winter games we knew this was a chance we couldn't turn down. Like the seventh free Polar Pop! And, apparently we weren't the ONLY ones on site at P. F. Chang's. So, it's time to triple-up your shades in lieu of ski goggles, switch your ringtone to Olympic fanfare and start saying brrrr every 2 1/2 mins because ...
We're reporting live from Sochi!
If there's one thing you should know about being an athlete it's that we have really lean upper arms. Like, really, really lean. Like infant size, but only full of muscles, arteries and whey protein. So the first unofficial event before opening ceremony is a really big feat for some - like teensy Alexa Scimeca - carb loading! (This got us thinking, are we actually really, really athletic??) The rule of Olympic thumbs is eat until one of the following happens: die, sleep for 17 hours or get to high five Shaun White at the Opening Ceremony. Hi, Shaun!
And yeah, we did get the first unofficial gold in the first unofficial event.
Day 1: The Opening Ceremony is actually like World Fashion Week. Of course Ralph designed the looq and of course we died for a fringe western glove and of course they were only made in athlete sample size (see infant arm above). So we made do with our eight carry-ons and threw on these patriotic rags. Shout-out to Nigeria for the chicest bejeweled turban looqs!
Day 3: The ski lift was down, high shriek. So like peasants we were forced to take the stairs, until we found this secret America-only pop-up elevator. Go Team USA!
Day 6: Insider theory is that all silverware in Pyeong F. Chang's was melted to create second place medals. Makes sense, doesn't it? Think about it.
Lindsey Vonn took both of these photos seconds before she got bronze. Thanks, girl!
Day 11: While downing mulled wine in the Team USA elevator, we discovered a real piece of Olympic History, instated at Lake Placid in 1988. Every event has an emergency exit so Alpine Skiing doesn't turn into Alpine Peeing.
Day 13: The medal ceremonies are kind of like a marriage ceremony because you make your dad cry and your mother-in-law doesn't think your look is appropriate for national television.