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Everything You Never Knew About the Pyeong F. Chang Winter Olympics

fat(e), Food, looqs, TravelLiza RushComment
 On the road to gold(en dumplings).

On the road to gold(en dumplings).

As you know, we're HUGE sports fans so when the Olympic Committee for Overconsumption hand-picked *us* to give a behind-the-slopes looq of the winter games we knew this was a chance we couldn't turn down. Like the seventh free Polar PopAnd, apparently we weren't the ONLY ones on site at P. F. Chang's. So, it's time to triple-up your shades in lieu of ski goggles, switch your ringtone to Olympic fanfare and start saying brrrr every 2 1/2 mins because ... 

We're reporting live from Sochi!

 This is our Everest.

This is our Everest.

If there's one thing you should know about being an athlete it's that we have really lean upper arms. Like, really, really lean. Like infant size, but only full of muscles, arteries and whey protein. So the first unofficial event before opening ceremony is a really big feat for some - like teensy Alexa Scimeca - carb loading! (This got us thinking, are we actually really, really athletic??) The rule of Olympic thumbs is eat until one of the following happens: die, sleep for 17 hours or get to high five Shaun White at the Opening Ceremony. Hi, Shaun!

And yeah, we did get the first unofficial gold in the first unofficial event.

liza rush
caitlin vanderklok

Day 1: The Opening Ceremony is actually like World Fashion Week. Of course Ralph designed the looq and of course we died for a fringe western glove and of course they were only made in athlete sample size (see infant arm above). So we made do with our eight carry-ons and threw on these patriotic rags. Shout-out to Nigeria for the chicest bejeweled turban looqs

 Us + sad staircase

Us + sad staircase

 Us + SoKo swag bags.

Us + SoKo swag bags.

Day 3: The ski lift was down, high shriek. So like peasants we were forced to take the stairs, until we found this secret America-only pop-up elevator. Go Team USA! 

 Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Day 6: Insider theory is that all silverware in Pyeong F. Chang's was melted to create second place medals. Makes sense, doesn't it? Think about it.

 Embracing the SoKo decor.

Embracing the SoKo decor.

 Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Lindsey Vonn took both of these photos seconds before she got bronze. Thanks, girl!

 If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

Day 11: While downing mulled wine in the Team USA elevator, we discovered a real piece of Olympic History, instated at Lake Placid in 1988. Every event has an emergency exit so Alpine Skiing doesn't turn into Alpine Peeing. 

 The real Olympic Rings.

The real Olympic Rings.

 Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

 TFW they offer you  silver  ..... ew bye!!! 

TFW they offer you silver ..... ew bye!!! 

Day 13: The medal ceremonies are kind of like a marriage ceremony because you make your dad cry and your mother-in-law doesn't think your look is appropriate for national television. 

 Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy??  ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy?? ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Tune in next week when we arrive at O'Hare with gold.... in doggy bags!


HAIM Depot

Fashim, looqs, Looqs, MusicCaitlin VanderKlokComment
 Something to tell you ... about the 🌭 @ Home Depot

Something to tell you ... about the 🌭 @ Home Depot

OKAYYYYYYY. 

So it's been a weird summer. Like first it was hot, then it was cool, then it just got clammy and we started to hate/love every one/thing. And that really got us thinking, A LOT, like... is global warming actually really great for my dewy skin? Does Claire's still sell toe rings? Is Bachelor in Paradise the eHarmony of Gen Z? IDK IDK IDK. But one thing we did find out is that the hot dogs at Home Depot are worth at least three Michelin stars. And as you know, we're obsessed with ourselves, soooooo we mirrored our three-star spirit animals of the solstice, Este, Danielle and Alana of #HAIMtheBand, to try out the weiners next to a lot of wood, double yum!

dogs
lays

PRO tip #1: UPGRADE YOUR stains TO COUTURE by coordinating YOUR looqs with THE condiments ON YOUR DOG. It's complementary and distracts others from your MULTIPLYING CHINS!

AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING... YEAH, WE DID GET THEM WITH KETCHUP.

 Is this what 'normal bloggers' do?

Is this what 'normal bloggers' do?

It's important to note that when it comes to managing finances, power tools, or any musical talent, we have absolutely no idea what we're doing. So we decided to head to aisle seven and strum a drill (is it a drill? is it a gun? does Home Depot have a liquor license?????!) like it was Reading Fest 2017. Pairing our DeWalt-inspired boots with Haim Depot brand colored glasses, we were able to black out in fear and eventually check off that infamous bucket list item: climbing the stair stepper at Home Depot to absolute STARDOM (at least to the other customers and, more importantly, ourselves). It's a long road to celeb status, my friends. And it involves a lot of MSG.

haim depot

PRO TIP #2: food comas are inevitable, so glitter your F*cking lids and head to the most sexily #lit aisle in the store (spoiler: it's the lightING aisle). AND contrary to popular belief, dark under eye circles are absolutely not the new milleNnial pink. Spooky!

haim depot

After a brief disco nap in the lighting aisle, we moved onto matters of the stomach--massaging our digestive tracts via Whirlpool washers. It's basically the chiropractor of the appliance section, and, as you know, we're really really really invested in our health. We recommend staying atop the washer for either A) as long as it takes to get a six pack or B) as long as it takes for a store clerk to say "MA'AM PLEASE GET DOWN FROM THERE.

PRO TIP #3: Depot dogs are CA$H ONLY, which is r shriek when your only currency is MAXED-OUT plastic THINNER THAN THE SKIN ON YOUR FACE. Special thigh claps to Amanda for covering our $13 bill and YEAH, WE'RE FULLY AWARE that isn't a diet coke.

home depot hot dog
haim tongue

K, now hold your deviated septums while we drop some pickled-onion-breathing HAIM knowledge. 

  • Danielle toured with the likes of Casablancas after JENNY F'ING LEWIS discovered her at a jam sesh in Laurel Canyon right after she graduated FROM HIGH SCHOOL. Tell that to your Razor flip phone and L.E.I. denim! (The only person interested in me at that point was the homeless man drinking windshield washer fluid outside the Speedway gas station).  
  • Before Este mastered her signature tongue-out-bass-face, she graduated from UCLA with a degree in whatever TF enthomusicology is soooooooooo.... chic for her! 
  • Alana is the epitome of youth in this Shania cover and we actually can't watch it ever again. bai. #ThisIsTwentyNineButReallyDangerouslyCloseToThirty
 Backstage at Coachella or surrounded by fertilizer and flies? Only the orange aprons will know.

Backstage at Coachella or surrounded by fertilizer and flies? Only the orange aprons will know.

PRO TIP #4: The Sod Palace™ is just as exclusive as the VIP tent at the Governor's Ball. It has everything: sod, tarps, and even a small step for you to accentuate your "good leg" in photos. 

 If you can't get into the propane tank to really  light up  your looq, try metallic heels and a quick hair flip.

If you can't get into the propane tank to really light up your looq, try metallic heels and a quick hair flip.

The most inspiring aspect about HAIM is that they DGAF about anybody except each other and Shania Twain, which is how we feel about ourselves versus everyone else in Home Depot (specifically the bathroom, like... can you PLZ GIVE US A MOMENT WE'RE BIZZY). And we all know that Shania Twain quit her job at Home Depot years ago.

 Sorry, we're not here to sell anything except crippling self-doubt

Sorry, we're not here to sell anything except crippling self-doubt

PRO TIP #5: The wood section is your oyster and we are your CHIP GAINES. Here's a step-by-step on how to achieve this look yourself: 

  • Step 1: Stealthily carry two "Let's Do It" buckets to wood aisle

  • Step 2: Disregard the fact that you own underwear that says "Let's Do It" 

  • Step 3: Place buckets in front of the brightest wood, allowing your legs to appear tanned to a bronzed goddess HAIM level.

  • Step 4: Pose as if you are famous and are totally allowed to be doing this

  • Step 5: Stay aware of the fact that that Home Depot employee is swiftly walking toward your fur-filled cart.

  • Step 6: Wait, is this the same employee who told us to get off the washing machine earlier? 

  • Step 7: Hi, no, we're just looking, thanks! 


ALL THE CRAIC

Thanks to our resident pHOT-DOGtog, Christina Slaton, for ensuring that we definitely weren't the oddest looking people in the store.

 

Fat Camp (a YSF Guide For Fall)

looqs, obesity, TravelLiza RushComment
 Fall is here so SHHHHHHHH.

Fall is here so SHHHHHHHH.

Fall is here, and like rose gold clockwork, our inner basics were screaming to get out and immediately retrieve the nectar of the North Face gods - a PSL. So last weekend, we said OK ALREADY, hopped in a car, and really embraced the return of fabric between our thighs as we set out on the first annual official YSF Fall Roadtrip. So hike up your Lululemon yoga pants, throw on your boyfriend's of-the-moment oversized college sweatshirt, and chug a Pumpkin Spice Choco-Chai to reach full basic potential, then read on to learn our top 5 tips for a chic fall excursion.

 Perfect your winter skin.

Perfect your winter skin.

1. BARE SOME SKIN

As you know, it's officially the last season of the year in which any inch of skin can be fully exposed. With that in mind, we made our first stop at the Sun Aura resort, a nudist trailer park colony. The two chicest things about our stop? The front office windows were perfect for our first #NudistSelfie (unbeknownst to us, it was a two-way mirror). Secondly, the sweet ladies at the front desk would not accept that any of us were over the age of 21 (In an ironic twist, Liza celebrates the end of her youth today as she turns 28)! Disregarding the fact that photos are strictly forbidden on the Sun Aura property grounds, we asked one of the front desk ladies to be our stand-in photographer for the Leg Sundial, a famous roadside landmark. Which was chic for us, until the quick nudist pitstop turned into some real True Detective type shit, ending in a strange man's truck with no hand sanitizer. the horror.

 What's the wifi password?!?!?

What's the wifi password?!?!?

2. GO GLAMPING

Grab your best girlfriends, the cheapest red wine you can find, a thrift store Patagucci, and pretend to know how to build a fire without vodka. But then also be sipping vodka.

 Are saltines a safe firewood substitute?

Are saltines a safe firewood substitute?

Packing and preparation is key.

So, since you're feeling really, really really tired today, we've kindly compiled a list of the packing basics:

  • the cheapest champagne, preferable Cook's, to initiate the newest emoji into texts with your BFF
  • saltines as an "in case of emergency" carb / to soak-up morning after hangovers
  • sheepskin rug because #instagrams
  • plaid vomiting on everything, obviously
  • Target-purchased wood because what are the outdoors really?
  • Brown lipstick to match the bark you'll later pee on #NaturesPocket
 Oh honey, there's no coffee in this mug.

Oh honey, there's no coffee in this mug.

 Does my shadow look thin?

Does my shadow look thin?

3. LOVE LAYERS

Personally, we're used to layering - especially when it comes to avocado toast. But this is the time to wear every item in your closet purchased on sale from the J.Crew Outlet last year AT ONCE. Cashmere blend, cashmere blend, plaid-printed cashmere blend. 

drunks

4. EMBRACE THE OUTDOORS

But actually, just fill a mug with A LOT of boxed red wine and pretend you're not that cold. Then later, if you're still BRRR, play "slap the bag" until your pants look like you're an extra from The Walking Dead. Take our word, this works. 

 Embracing nature is easier to do when you're drunk and unstable.

Embracing nature is easier to do when you're drunk and unstable.

5. TAKE ENGAGEMENT PICTURES

Who cares if you're single or even married?! It's golden hour, and that only lasts, like, 60 minutes. 

 May your rock be bigger than your appetite.

May your rock be bigger than your appetite.

One more v.important tip, while you're still here. Don't put out your fire with the rest of the Yellow Tail Pinot Noir and expect to have the smoky burned wine stench not ignite your gag reflex (we recommend using water instead).

 Welcoming our sweater bodies with open arms.

Welcoming our sweater bodies with open arms.

Our most thankful feelings to Marina for the pics and Kailyn for the hangovers. KISSES!