You're Still Fat

Food

Hot Sauce on My Dress, #BLEST

Fashim, Food, Looqs, obesityLiza RushComment
Queuing for the Quesalupa

Queuing for the Quesalupa

As Lady Gaga walked the MJ runway in skyscraper platforms during NYFW, we were called upon by the carbs in our upper arms to give our (& our stomach's) #thots on this season's newest fashion accessory. Spoiler alert: It's even #BiggerThan the space between Kendall's thighs on the Michael Kors runway.  

Taco bell's quesalupa

Double the dairy for me, PLZ.

Double the dairy for me, PLZ.

Dolce, Dolce, Dulce de Leche

Dolce, Dolce, Dulce de Leche

Famished after driving two blocks to Taco Bell, we immediately stomped the salted runway to the counter, ordering a Cantina Margarita Freeze to SIP for flavor (then spit out). We continued to drink only Dos Equis and sour cream for the remainder of the meal, YUM!

Is Border  Sauce  complimentary?!??

Is Border Sauce complimentary?!??

Channeling Frieda Kahlo at Coachella, we layered black lace to accent our winter skin and swore off shaving for two weeks to emulate the ultimate Taco Belle.     

Consider this the Birkin   bag of 2k16

Consider this the Birkin bag of 2k16

Cradling the newest addition to our wardrobe (and waistline), we embraced the cheese-filled bebé swaddled in black foil and speckled with gold lamé highlights.

quesalupa
quesalupa

Finding that the secret ingredient settled deep into the folds of the fried tortilla, we quickly realized the resemblance to a Thom Browne taffeta tutu, and executed consumption accordingly.

our advice: eat it from the bottom. eat only the bottom. eat it all.

Fans swarm as the fragrance hits the pavement.

Fans swarm as the fragrance hits the pavement.

Offering much-needed versatility, the quesalupa is ideal for the fashionista-on-the-go, allowing calorie-filled bites between runway shows.

Quesalupa as my clutch, #clutch.

Quesalupa as my clutch, #clutch.

Disguise the pocketbook as vegan leather. Best served when sprinkled with half a Xanax for tasting.

For a quick snack, just the tip.

For a quick snack, just the tip.

The only thing greasier than our second serving was our hair. Chic for us!

quesa to go

Leftovers? Wrap it like an oversized Fendi cocoon coat and stuff it next to your under eye cream for later. Take it from us, your thighs are going to need it.

Special thanks to Taco Bell and Christina for helping us think outside our buns. Besos!


NEVER EATING AGAIN

Food, Holiday, Looqs, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
The ham quickly disappeared from the scene and is assumed to be the lead person of interest in the case of missing self-control.

The ham quickly disappeared from the scene and is assumed to be the lead person of interest in the case of missing self-control.

the looqs: [bottom] american apparel striped tights, jeffrey campbell blue suede shoes, [top] vera wang!............. for kohl's tights, vintage blue suede shoes    

You know that feeling when you're half-a-bite away from your gut actually combusting, but you push it to the limit? Time to welcome your Thanksgiving hangover! We're officially DEAD DEAD DEAD after that seventh serving of marshmallow-covered-pumpkin-pie. "You are what you eat," they say, and to that, we say "KILL ME BEFORE I EAT ANOTHER." We'll be over here in a food coma, swearing off eating until....we see those extra leftovers in the fridge tonight.

So, let's attempt to lift our wrists and raise a glass to no crudité going untouched, your choice to heap a second servings of gravy over that kale and quinoa stuffing, pie for breakfast, and every available snack with your girlfriends this holiday season. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and fatter).

She thought three eggs would hold her over until lunch. They held her all the way  to the grave .

She thought three eggs would hold her over until lunch. They held her all the way to the grave.

the looq: american appareal two-toned tights (similar), shoes that live in the bottom of liza's closet
Two remain in critical consumption condition after realizing they were eating SALTED butter. The horror.

Two remain in critical consumption condition after realizing they were eating SALTED butter. The horror.

the looqs: tights provided by caitlin's closet, old navy platform sneakers (on clearance now for $7!!!!), last season jeffrey campbell buckle flats
She used her tongue in place of a sponge, lacerating her gums and forcing her to rely solely on chocolate milkshakes and stomach bile until New Year's Eve. YUM!

She used her tongue in place of a sponge, lacerating her gums and forcing her to rely solely on chocolate milkshakes and stomach bile until New Year's Eve. YUM!

 the looq: tights by HUE, charles david mud-covered suede pumps 
The spaghetti was mislabeled as gluten free, she ate four pounds of it, and then  she died.

The spaghetti was mislabeled as gluten free, she ate four pounds of it, and then she died.

the looqs: forever 21 mustard tights, target black loafers, heels dusted off from ca. 2009

Please remember to eat responsibly this holiday season. Plastic sporks in purses strongly encouraged.


Dylan's Candy Barre Method

Chicago, Food, Looqs, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

As you know, we never turn down compliments OR complimentary calories, so when Dylan's Candy Bar invited us to exercise our multiple chins and tastebuds, we immediately ordered an uberXL and Diet Coke for the road. 

dylan's candy bar chicago

8PM: The workout begins with a candy-cocktail warm-up. Beads of sweat form on our hairlines as we fear the imminent crash-and-burn effect, but also for the excitement of the fructose-filled tabatas to come.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

8:15 PM: The first interval begins, with the focus area on exerting our jelly bellies. We rapidly flail our lunch-lady-toned-arms to and from the candy dish.

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

8:30PM: We are given weightless medicine balls to fill and test our stomachs' strengths. Overwhelmed with options, we decide to take the liberal route by taste testing first, leaving no sweet treat behind, and FILL THAT SHIT UP. 

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

8:45PM: The stamina drill, our most challenging yet. Five minute squats with 5lbs of monochromatic confection and NOT indulging.

dylan's candy bar

9PM: We cool down with blue sugar strips and a little less sanity than we began with. #BLESSED

let it ripppp

As the hour ended and our appetites did not, we thanked Dylan's Candy Bar for the best jazzercise a girl could ask for, then inquired about weekly sessions to substitute our Jane Fonda fat-burning sessions. If only our guts weren't as big as her blowouts...