You're Still Fat

TBT to 1989 when you weighed under 20lbs

Food, MusicBen HeinemannComment

Our resident shim, Ben, weighed in on bulimia, birth weights, and TSwift's newest bundle of basiq

In 1989 I was 3 years old and weighed 14 lbs. So I’m more than willing to embrace Ms. Swift’s agenda to take us back to the sounds of pop as they were in the 80s.

Anyway, 1989 is a pop crossover album by Taylor Swift. It’s Taylor Swift, so barf (which is chic for the lost calories). But 1989 actually pretty listenable if you want to be that girl on the L. You might just have to forget that it’s Taylor Swift. Or keep remembering and keep barfing for continued loss of calories. Where’s the barfatorium?!?!?

But like whatever. She sings over productions by the transcendent Max Marten, so here’s what you can expect: synthesizers, sing-a-long choruses perfect for stadiums filled with screaming fans, words apparently written by Taylor Swift, no more banjos, a Lana Del Rey impression on “Wildest Dreams,” songs about boys, songs about girls, songs about boys wanting boys and girls wanting girls (“Welcome to New York”), a Target ad campaign tie-in, hand claps, and pretty much anything else you’d expect a pop album from Taylor Swift to sound like.

But at the end of the day, this is basic bitch white girl anthem musiq. And it’s funny that all these indie fans are jumping all over 1989. I mean that’s fine. I’ll definitely get drunk and dance with you to “Out of the Woods.”

But I’ll have to be pretty drunk which means more barfing. Chic for me!

1989 is out now. We suggest you pick it up at a Target which also has Pret a Manger in it because sweetie we know you want those Target-exclusive bonus tracks and because oh, yum!