You're Still Fat

Which Holiday Bitch Are You?

quiz, HolidayCaitlin VanderKlokComment


embrace your inner ebenezer and Add up the number of points of each of your answers below to find out who your true, scientifically-proven, dermatologically-tested Holiday Bitch-mate is.

  1. Baking Christmas cookies with your mom has always been chic. But this year, your vegan cousin is requesting "animal-free" sugar cut-outs, heavily limiting your calorie intake and creative palette. You: 
    • Consider it a challenge and overuse the red frosting on the reindeer cut-outs ;)      5 points
    • Don't give a fuq and throw in a double batch of butter anyway...oopsie!      4 points
    • Mix the batter, accidentally add eggs, then take one for the team and consume it raw.      3 points
  2. On your second serving of french toast Christmas morning, your recently anorexic sister decides to comment on your consumption. You: 
    • Dip your spoon in the pseudo-melted unsalted butter and fling it directly into her blonde blowout.      5 points
    • Roll your eyes, pile on another serving and silently plot how you'll tell her the stuffing is gluten-free later...      4 points
    • Don't even hear her over the sizzling of the bacon.      2 points
  3. Your holiday looq consists of: 
    • Fur, fur, and fur      1 point
    • A LOT of low cut red, devil ears, and desperation (in case that wasn't already implied).       3 points
    • 19th-century inspired garb and a generally dismal attitude       5 points
  4. It's gifting time with your S.O. and his eyes are glued to your face as you unwrap...a Kay Jewelers' box. You: 
    • Can't even (hide your disdain).       1 point
    • Accept it graciously and immediately put it on over your turtleneck sweater.       2 points
    • Open it, smile and think about how much you can pawn it for, while simultaneously wondering what his paycheck is.      6 points
  5. You're the last one up and there's the last of Grandma's cookies on the table. You: 
    • Glue it to the plate.       1 point
    • Eat it swiftly and in silence       7 points
    • Hold it for ransom (hey, you need the money).      4 points

...and you're pregnant with holiday hormones! Add your points together & follow the button below to see how big of a holiday bitch you must be.