When news broke that the notoriously awful/amazing/skinny Bethenny Frankel will be launching Skinnygirl Marijuana, a strain that won't give you the munchies, we had a chat with our resident Shim, Ben, who knows a thing or two about Bethanny, Bravo TV, weed, and the munchies as a resident of the great, weed-legalizing state of Colorado:
Ben: Will the strain be called "Frankelberry" because if not I want nothing to do with it.
YSF: Bethenny Frankel has definitely never smoked weed. She probably thinks it's a type of wheat grass shot. Wait. Maybe. Her dog's name is Cookie, so. She's gonna produce dog food weed treats.
Ben: Is weed a carb? Does a larger nug mean less fat? Am I fat because I smoke? What about Skinnygirl edibles?
YSF: Equating walking into a pot store to walking into the Gap...pretty sure I haven't been to the Gap since 1995.
Ben: Why is she in Aspen? Please leave Aspen to me. JUST LET ME HAVE ASPEN. Will Skinnygirl Marijuana give me arms as toned as SJP?
YSF: Whole Foods sounds really good right now. The parking lot is so scary I always think I'm going to die.
Ben: This CU bro totally hooked me up on my lentil bowl at Whole Foods today, why would I ever NOT want the munchies?
YSF: What will her child think of this? Will stock options be available?
Ben: Like RIP Taco Bell. People will start walking into Taco Bell staring at the menu and when at the front of the line, "oh, nothing for me, thanks."
YSF: WAIT, Skinnygirl Crunchwrap Supreme? Maybe they'll be like "Now serving raw kale chips."
Ben: RIP Gardetto's. RIP Munchie's, which, if you're stupid, is a real life bag of wonderment that combines a mixture of Nacho Cheese Doritos, Cheetos, Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips, and Rold Gold pretzels.
YSF: RIP Olive Garden. RIP Lays.
Ben: I'm never eating carbs again.
YSF: The cocaine industry is really going to suffer. Holding our breath for the Bethenny Frankel Skinnygirl Marijuana-inspired line of hemp clothing from Forever 21.
Ben: Or more like Ross Dress for Less...
YSF: She seemed high that whole time she was on like "ice skating with the stars"
Ben: She was high when she came up with this idea. Am I high right now? I'm high right now. Just kidding I'm at work!! Pills only....
YSF: Will Kate Middleton be on board with this? That bitch loves to not eat. Everyone that currently drinks Skinnygirl Margaritas is going to stop everything, throw away their Michael Kors watches, and turn to marijuana.
Ben: Are there steroids in this? Will Skinnygirl Marijuana give me a strong jawline too? Skinnygirl Marijuana infused Skinnygirl Margaritas....that's like, inception.
YSF: Girls will walk into their local dispensary with their Uggs and North Face and the guy behind the counter will immediately know which strand they want. "Hi I'll have a grande Skinnygirl Marijuana and PLEASE spell my name right this time it's TIFFANY."
Ben: I'm not anorexic, I just smoke a lot.
YSF: "I was really bad last night, I smoked an entire bowl of Skinnygirl Marijuana and drank, like, two glasses of water."
Ben: Other possible strain names: Big Bubba Bethenny, Bravo TV Haze, Skinnygirl Crippler, I Literally Can't Even Double Bubble, Andy Cohronic, Trainwreck, Am I Famous Yet Kush, Sour Divorcee
YSF: How long will it take for my thigh gap to set in?
Ben: Next up: A Skinnygirl Marijuana strain that actually causes you to be nauseous for added weight loss. Christmas dinner is forever changed.
YSF: Backstage at fashion shows from now on: Vitamin Water Zero, Celery, Skinnygirl Marijuana, Ambien.
Ben: See that almost ruined my buzz. "I'm still baked!"