Our west coast correspondent, Sean, is another year older (weird, we haven't aged a day!) and another year chicer. To celebrate, he gathered a few of our favorite things: big hair, refined sugar and Domino's.
Dawning a pearl-bedazzled Marie Antoinette-inspired wig, Sean greeted guests to a lush garden party with h'or de vourves of lobster rolls, fresh hummus and bean dip, a goat cheese tort, cucumber sandwiches, and crudités. A Britney Spears Barbie cake sporting a Lena Dunham-Emmy-inspired frosting looq added the ideal amount of class to the outdoor affair, inducing serious FOMO in our cold and bitter midwestern hearts. The final couture touch arrived via a man in uniform - Domino's Pizza with nine variations of Ranch dressing available on the table for guests (something that we will not forgive ourselves for missing for a really, really really long time). Oh, and there was a fruit salad set up to look like a pig.
There was a photo station (more pigs) next to a beautiful orange tree, setting the stage for the thinnest part of the party: the playlist for the evening, aptly titled "Sean's Quinceañera," which was made up of 80% tracks by Fifth Harmony, 20% mix between Britney and The Dreamgirls Soundtrack. And you know a good night's never complete without some incredible blacked-out karaoke. This is a fucking birthday party.
After realizing that people had been sticking forks into his wig all night, Sean decided it was time to move the night forward, so he took his giant wig to a hotel bar in West Hollywood for a (not so) much-needed nightcap. Special shoutout to Sean's late-night Uber driver who asked him to remove his wig so she could see out the back window, which Sean ineptly declined. Who, in their right mind, would ask a gay man in a Marie Antoinette wig to take it off?? As if! It's not like this is an UberX...shriek.
Happy birthday, bitch!