He’s on time to this date. I’m going to marry you. #brunomars
Oooooodinner. We fancy, huh. No lunch dates for this snappy dresser. #turnt
Is he going to order the wine? Or do I have to fucking spoonfeed the alcohol to him.
This dress is too short. #asscheeksdayout
“feelin’ this chair” –my butt
He just ordered a side of mayo.
Added ketchup because I looked at him like he just skinned my cat.
Waiter hates him. Did they go to high school together? Getting those #vibes
High school waiter probably just spit in our food. #swearingofffood @guyfieri
Who the fuck calls appetizers “appeTeasers.” Where the fuck are you from again?
Ohhhhhh Indiana. #indiana
Does your mom know you’re out this late. #babyman @babymamathemovieofficial
Why are we only eating meat. Is he trying to tell me something.
Possibly wearing a fake mustache. Will know if it falls off into his wine. Stay tuned.
Side of baked beans just arrived. Obviously not thinking of sleeping with me tonight.
Anyone want to go out for burgers after this bc he’s literally eating everything on the table.
Officially 3 glasses of wine and 2 bites of meat in to this dinner. #meat
“about how often do girls menstruate?” –human man
“we could brainstorm what we think god is punishing you for….” –human man
“I’m feeling…”-human man
“Nah, she doesn’t want dessert. Right?” –human man
“I’ll do the lava cake.”-human man
I would trade your soul for a chocolate lava cake right now.
Literally you’re the only fucking person who has ever owned a border collie.
Your dog sounds stupid. Not cute stupid. #cutestupid #cupid
I didn’t even pretend to offer to pay. #adult @adult @adultswim
He paid. Huzzah!!! @medievaltimes
Bathroom break—peeled sweaty thighs off chair. #goodsign
We just made out on the street. Pretty sure my aunt’s friend just walked by. #ready4a3rddate