You're Still Fat

Dylan's Candy Barre Method

Chicago, Food, Looqs, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

As you know, we never turn down compliments OR complimentary calories, so when Dylan's Candy Bar invited us to exercise our multiple chins and tastebuds, we immediately ordered an uberXL and Diet Coke for the road. 

dylan's candy bar chicago

8PM: The workout begins with a candy-cocktail warm-up. Beads of sweat form on our hairlines as we fear the imminent crash-and-burn effect, but also for the excitement of the fructose-filled tabatas to come.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

8:15 PM: The first interval begins, with the focus area on exerting our jelly bellies. We rapidly flail our lunch-lady-toned-arms to and from the candy dish.

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

8:30PM: We are given weightless medicine balls to fill and test our stomachs' strengths. Overwhelmed with options, we decide to take the liberal route by taste testing first, leaving no sweet treat behind, and FILL THAT SHIT UP. 

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

8:45PM: The stamina drill, our most challenging yet. Five minute squats with 5lbs of monochromatic confection and NOT indulging.

dylan's candy bar

9PM: We cool down with blue sugar strips and a little less sanity than we began with. #BLESSED

let it ripppp

As the hour ended and our appetites did not, we thanked Dylan's Candy Bar for the best jazzercise a girl could ask for, then inquired about weekly sessions to substitute our Jane Fonda fat-burning sessions. If only our guts weren't as big as her blowouts...