You're Still Fat

#Summertimethigh (A YSF Guide to Summer Day Drinking)

Food, Looqs, Chicago, ShopCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Does this flute make my wrists look thin?

Does this flute make my wrists look thin?

Every kween knows that #summertimechi means much more than pretending to like dancing in aerie high-waisted bikinis at Castaways, or the Saturday walk of shame, holding your flatform espadrilles after closing out The Apartment the night prior...shriek!  Oh bbs, it means so much more (read: DRINKING ON PATIOS). So in an effort to show you how to minimize your weight watchers points while maximizing your buzz, we said "OHHHHhhh, YUM," popped a tums and made our way to Old Town Social to taste test the best ways to make bevvies our breakfast, lunch and dinner. So break out the cat eye Le Specs, smear on colourpop's ultra matte lip, and make your instagram bio "rosé all day" (if it isn't already), then read on to savor our top 5 summer tips for liquid calorie consumption.

Toast every sip, no matter the size.

Toast every sip, no matter the size.

1. ALWAYS SPLIT A BOTTLE

As you know, when it comes to being fiscally responsible, we actually have no idea WTF we're doing. So when the wait staff recommends a bottle "to share," start with just one, then continue to split bottles until there's a 1:1 ratio of bottles to bodies. Think of this as a "small plates" food experience. It's less conspicuous and you get way more ice this way (so filling!).

Do you have like a really really really really long straw?

Do you have like a really really really really long straw?

Since you're already a little buzzed, here is a v v v v mathematical algorithm rule of thumb:

glass of rosé < bottle of Cook's < entire drink menu x 3 / ice = uber xxl

All for one...the bill that is.

All for one...the bill that is.

2. NEVER DRINK ALONE

This is an urban myth that only exists in places we've never been, like my grandma's bridge group. At times, a mason jar filled with an unknown substance found in the back of our desk drawer is the only way we get through M - F.  On that note, sharing a buzz is practically the first must of any summer survival guide. We recommend a subtle group-text of every drink emoji to your nearest and dearest, then expensing the drinks on their company AmEx to give your own wallet a little seasonal detox. 

YSF
YSF

3. DAY DRINK ON SUNDAYS

Put on your Sunday Best (whatever you wore last night). The bigger the shades, the better. Saunter out for brunch....with mimosas, bloody marys, prosecco, micheladas and rosè? After all, it is Lourde's day.

P.S. Interested in Liza's ice cream fascinator? US TOO! Chic news: you can get your own right HERE at ysf

SUNS OUT, TUMS OUT

SUNS OUT, TUMS OUT

4. EMBRACE DOUBLE-FISTING

Two desserts are always better than one, and the same rings true when it comes to quenching our thirst. Keeping a variety of flavors on hand to dabble between basically makes you a mixologist soooooooo....

This summer, we're most thankful for uber split fare.

This summer, we're most thankful for uber split fare.

5. CABS ARE YOUR BEST FRENEMY

This is actually true bc we're always always always always late and always always always a little drunk. (Disclaimer: we were an hour late to meet Christina for this and she STILL thinks we're chic, #godisreal)

While you're still here, a pro tip: never, under any circumstances, ever look at your uber ride history unless you'd really like to know what poverty actually feels like.

I'll take a bouquet of flowers & bubbles, thnx!

I'll take a bouquet of flowers & bubbles, thnx!

Special thanks to Christina for introducing us to the concept of wearing a napkin as a neck scarf, to Old Town Social for not kicking us out after sitting on top of 2-3 occupied booths, and to Flowers for Dreams for giving us a fragrant moment to mask our beer breath. We can't wait to not remember the next three months.