You're Still Fat

Conversation Pieces

Conversation Piece: Skinnygirl Marijuana

birth weight, Conversation Pieces, fat(e)Ben HeinemannComment
That's Ben's face, but he's much more anorexic looqing than that body. #photoshop

That's Ben's face, but he's much more anorexic looqing than that body. #photoshop

When news broke that the notoriously awful/amazing/skinny Bethenny Frankel will be launching Skinnygirl Marijuana, a strain that won't give you the munchies, we had a chat with our resident Shim, Ben, who knows a thing or two about Bethanny, Bravo TV, weed, and the munchies as a resident of the great, weed-legalizing state of Colorado: 

Ben: Will the strain be called "Frankelberry" because if not I want nothing to do with it.

YSF: Bethenny Frankel has definitely never smoked weed. She probably thinks it's a type of wheat grass shot. Wait. Maybe. Her dog's name is Cookie, so. She's gonna produce dog food weed treats.

Ben: Is weed a carb? Does a larger nug mean less fat? Am I fat because I smoke? What about Skinnygirl edibles?

YSF: Equating walking into a pot store to walking into the Gap...pretty sure I haven't been to the Gap since 1995.

Ben: Why is she in Aspen? Please leave Aspen to me. JUST LET ME HAVE ASPEN. Will Skinnygirl Marijuana give me arms as toned as SJP?

YSF: Whole Foods sounds really good right now. The parking lot is so scary I always think I'm going to die. 

Ben: This CU bro totally hooked me up on my lentil bowl at Whole Foods today, why would I ever NOT want the munchies?

YSF: What will her child think of this? Will stock options be available? 

Ben: Like RIP Taco Bell. People will start walking into Taco Bell staring at the menu and when at the front of the line, "oh, nothing for me, thanks." 

YSF: WAIT, Skinnygirl Crunchwrap Supreme? Maybe they'll be like "Now serving raw kale chips."

Ben: RIP Gardetto's. RIP Munchie's, which, if you're stupid, is a real life bag of wonderment that combines a mixture of Nacho Cheese Doritos, Cheetos, Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips, and Rold Gold pretzels. 

YSF: RIP Olive Garden. RIP Lays.

Ben: I'm never eating carbs again.

YSF: The cocaine industry is really going to suffer. Holding our breath for the Bethenny Frankel Skinnygirl Marijuana-inspired line of hemp clothing from Forever 21. 

Ben: Or more like Ross Dress for Less...

YSF: She seemed high that whole time she was on like "ice skating with the stars"

Ben: She was high when she came up with this idea. Am I high right now? I'm high right now. Just kidding I'm at work!! Pills only....

YSF: Will Kate Middleton be on board with this? That bitch loves to not eat. Everyone that currently drinks Skinnygirl Margaritas is going to stop everything, throw away their Michael Kors watches, and turn to marijuana.

Ben: Are there steroids in this? Will Skinnygirl Marijuana give me a strong jawline too? Skinnygirl Marijuana infused Skinnygirl Margaritas....that's like, inception.

YSF: Girls will walk into their local dispensary with their Uggs and North Face and the guy behind the counter will immediately know which strand they want. "Hi I'll have a grande Skinnygirl Marijuana and PLEASE spell my name right this time it's TIFFANY."

Ben: I'm not anorexic, I just smoke a lot.

YSF: "I was really bad last night, I smoked an entire bowl of Skinnygirl Marijuana and drank, like, two glasses of water."

Ben: Other possible strain names: Big Bubba Bethenny, Bravo TV Haze, Skinnygirl Crippler, I Literally Can't Even Double Bubble, Andy Cohronic, Trainwreck, Am I Famous Yet Kush, Sour Divorcee

YSF: How long will it take for my thigh gap to set in? 

Ben: Next up: A Skinnygirl Marijuana strain that actually causes you to be nauseous for added weight loss. Christmas dinner is forever changed.

YSF: Backstage at fashion shows from now on: Vitamin Water Zero, Celery, Skinnygirl Marijuana, Ambien. 

Ben: See that almost ruined my buzz. "I'm still baked!"

Conversation Piece: Faux (Cro)nut

Food, obesity, fat(e), Conversation PiecesCaitlin VanderKlokComment

Before today, we had always questioned fate. Like, will we ever be rich? Will Bey and J be together forevs? Then, on this brisk Tuesday morning, we walked into the Dunkin Donuts at Chicago and Franklin and there were two pieces of fried dough layered to perfection just sitting there, waiting for us. The LAST TWO. We plopped down at a table with the new Croissant Donut and... 

  1. Like, they're pretty small! 
  2. We're excited.
  3. Denser than I expected.
  4. Small but dense. Yeah. 
  5. It's like a glazed croissant with a hole.
  6. I feel like a New Yorker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. * head tilt *
  8. People are staring at us.
  9. It's weird that there are no advertisements for it. 
  10. Their biggest promotion is the chicken flatbread, which like, we're already over it. 
  11. Is a croissant donut part of the secret menu? 
  12. Does Dunkin have a secret menu? 
  13. Cue Jessie J on the radio.
  14. My friend Mark plays a really great rendition of this song.
  15. That middle-aged man seems pretty into it.
  16. Bobbing his head.
  17. Since there were only two left when we got here, who got all the other ones? 
  18. It's pretty flaky.
  19. Just like my ex-boyfriend.
  20. I wonder if he's had one of these.
  21. Where is Greg Avdoian right now?* 
  22. Oh, we have to limit our stay to 30 minutes. There's a sign.
  23. Are bangs back? 
  24. The general manager here looks like that guy from Modern Family.
  25. He's wearing a Canadian Tuxedo. Pretty chic but kind of shriek.
  26. What if Dunkin Donuts changed their uniform policy to only Canadian Tuxedos? 
  27. Is denim on denim on denim the new black? 
  28. I'm gonna have to get a kale smoothie for lunch because of this. 
  29. Thank God I'm wearing high-waisted pants.
  30. Wait, is that Gayle on TV?
  31. Who knew CBS had a morning show? 
  32. Jonny is here. Spits out gum immediately. Tries croissant donut. 
  33. "Good! Flavorful. Calories."
  34. "I don't want anything in here. Bye." 
  35. They just called out number 74. Does that mean 74 people have been here today?
  36. At least a third of the people that have been here today have gotten a croissant donut.
  37. The Dunkin Donuts worker's name was Yesenia. 
  38. So is the Y silent? Or ... what? 
  39. This girl with the fur and the leggings, either her outfit was completely intentional or she just rolled out of bed.
  40. There's no in-between. 
  41. You can tell this Thanksgiving wall decor is from the dollar store.
  42. Do you think Dunkin will ever come out with a holiday cup? 
  43. Should we ask? No. 
  44. Would Queen Elizabeth try this? 
  45. What if a cronut was Prince George's first real piece of food? 
  46. What's a better way to say "real piece of food"? 
  47. Wait, does Dunkin even have croissants? Like regular croissants? 
  48. Shoutout to Yesenia at Franklin and Chicago. 
  49. Is that Pari

*Greg Avdoian eventually showed up. Caitlin was so excited she broke a nail.

Conversation Piece: Lena Dunham's Look at Northwestern

looqs, Conversation PiecesLiza Rush1 Comment
Lena's Looq  Shoes: Nasty Gal, Dress: I don't hate it, Hair: Refried almost mullet

Lena's Looq

Shoes: Nasty Gal, Dress: I don't hate it, Hair: Refried almost mullet

Lena Dunham graced Chicago and our instagram feeds with her presence this week as she promoted her latest not e-book, Not That Kind of Girl. And although we have yet to read/review it, we have a few thoughts on her looq for the evening. 

Full disclosure: we're both high on meds fighting the domestic health threat that is plaguing yuppies everywhere. Sadly, we have yet to reach our goal weight. 

  1. Has she ever worn heels before?

  2. Her haircut might be throwing off her balance.

  3. She’s snapping. She’s definitely never worn heels before.

  4. Wait, that’s a bathroom?

  5. Rich people always have double doors to their bathrooms.

  6. Does she look whiter than normal?

  7. I wonder who books Lena’s travel plans.

  8. Like, hai, can I have a perfectly aged bathroom with a touch of angst?

  9. Huge white platform pumps after labor day are actually a chic way to look thinner.

  10. Does the carpet match the mullet?

  11. How many people have sat on that ottoman naked?

  12. Give or take 10-15?

  13. There aren't any visible stains.

  14. Does Lena travel with an ottoman?

  15. Can you get ebola from touching butts with an ottoman?

  16. Is ebola the new bulimia? is that spelled right?

  17. Is it too soon to joke about ebola?

  18. What’s Ebola?

  19. She looks like she enjoyed a really great breakfast.

  20. I bet it was at Uncommon Grounds or IHOP, but probably organic room service french toast.

  21. That shapeless dress looks perfect on her.

  22. Remember when she was just a normal girl with dishwater hair and a bad sense of reality?

  23. Giambattista Valli changed Girls.

  24. For the worse.

  25. Think she peaked at dishwater hair?

  26. Is a blunt cut platinum bob the new shriek-chic?

  27. Is hers even blunt cut?

  28. It looks like she got it caught in a lawn mower.

  29. Does Lena Dunham have a rooftop garden?

  30. Has she ever met Oprah?

  31. Oprah loves gardening.

  32. The amount of stained wood in the picture is making me sick.

  33. If only Lena could get some of that stain back in her hair.

  34. I bet she’s snapping along to the Moldy Peaches.

  35. Do you think she took one photo or did she give herself options?

  36. Like she took one then was like "wait let me snap in the next one"

  37. Then her sister was just like deadpan “nailed it.”

  38. Wonder what filter she’s using.

  39. She looks so collegiate without her tattoos.

  40. She looks like Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

  41. Did JTT go to college?

  42. He’d only go to Barnard.

  43. Beyonce would look great with a platinum bowl cut.

  44. Was Beyonce home schooled?

  45. What would Beyonce wear to speak at Northwestern?

  46. Are Beyonce and Jay-Z okay?

  47. Where will Blue go to college?

  48. Did I eat lunch?

  49. I look like i ate lunch.