You're Still Fat

Love

Live Tweeting Date #2

Guest Post, LoveKate VillaComment
live tweet
 

He’s on time to this date. I’m going to marry you. #brunomars

Oooooodinner. We fancy, huh. No lunch dates for this snappy dresser. #turnt

Is he going to order the wine? Or do I have to fucking spoonfeed the alcohol to him.

#willnotdrinkalone

This dress is too short. #asscheeksdayout

“feelin’ this chair” –my butt

He just ordered a side of mayo.

Added ketchup because I looked at him like he just skinned my cat.

Waiter hates him. Did they go to high school together? Getting those #vibes

High school waiter probably just spit in our food. #swearingofffood @guyfieri

Who the fuck calls appetizers “appeTeasers.” Where the fuck are you from again?

Ohhhhhh Indiana. #indiana

Does your mom know you’re out this late. #babyman @babymamathemovieofficial

Why are we only eating meat. Is he trying to tell me something.

Possibly wearing a fake mustache. Will know if it falls off into his wine. Stay tuned.

Side of baked beans just arrived. Obviously not thinking of sleeping with me tonight.

Anyone want to go out for burgers after this bc he’s literally eating everything on the table.

Officially 3 glasses of wine and 2 bites of meat in to this dinner. #meat

#meat

“about how often do girls menstruate?” –human man

“we could brainstorm what we think god is punishing you for….” –human man

“I’m feeling…”-human man

“Nah, she doesn’t want dessert. Right?” –human man

“I’ll do the lava cake.”-human man

I would trade your soul for a chocolate lava cake right now.

Literally you’re the only fucking person who has ever owned a border collie.

Your dog sounds stupid. Not cute stupid. #cutestupid #cupid

I didn’t even pretend to offer to pay. #adult @adult @adultswim

He paid. Huzzah!!! @medievaltimes

Bathroom break—peeled sweaty thighs off chair. #goodsign

We just made out on the street. Pretty sure my aunt’s friend just walked by. #ready4a3rddate

Image 1 2

 

#LoveWins

Guest Post, LoveBen HeinemannComment
really really gay

by ben heinemann

 

Sometimes you have a hard week, and then Friday rolls around and the world rights itself. This Friday has me feeling pretty #blessed for a number of reasons:

  1. I’m going to San Diego, also known as the whale’s vagina, but more importantly, McDonald’s is currently testing 24 hour breakfast in America’s Finest City. Does this mean I can put down the Ativan to get rid of the 10:30am cut-off anxiety?!
  2. The deep-fried Big Mac. Bai.
  3. Probably the most important, the Supreme Court declared same-sex marriage as a constitutional right.

In the immortal words of the elusive chanteuse, “It’s been a long time baby and it has been a rough road.” Being gay can be gay, but most of the time, being gay is pretty special. 

I’m hungry.

Background image via Fast Company


In Chicness and in Health... and on Pinterest

fat(e), Features, looqs, LoveCaitlin VanderKlokComment
vanderklok wedding

It's that time of the year again, love is in the air and our bank accounts are officially lower than our current weight, courtesy of Crate & Barrel. We're baring all, shimmying into our roomiest tent dresses to watch our nearest and dearest sweat their way to the altar while silently praying for an open bar. 

True (love) story: today is Caitlin's third wedding anniversary. So she'll be taking center stage, which is chic for you, because you're basically invited to her wedding 2.0. So grease up those inner thighs, toss back a Xanax and prepare to let her walk you down the aisle. 

olia zavozina
vanderklok wedding cake

I know, you're shocked that I found a man that can put up with my kind of crazy, day in and out, for three whole years? Well, he's a psychologist, so... 

caitlin and ross

#TBT TO THAT TIME I WEIGHED LESS THAN 120 POUNDS AND STILL HAD THE METABOLISM TO HANDLE a few 40S AND FRIED CHICKEN EVERY NIGHT 

(I WAS SOUTHERN THEN, SO KING COBRA IS ALLOWED AND Encouraged). 

wedding rings
caitlin and ross

Now listen here, this was in 2012, and Pinterest was just becoming a thing, so I wasn't #blessed with the luxury of starting a secret wedding board when I was still VERY single and spending most of my nights surrounded by my friends, tequila shots. Instead, I had a slew of images from around the web that I had saved, and eventually just told my florist to "make it feel chic, I don't give a fuq beyond that."

So, in honor of my anniversary, and also the impending nuptials of our resident photographer Christina, Liza and I have compiled a wedding Pinterest board for you brides-to-be. Consider this YSF's congratulations on your engagement, and an account of what I may have done differently if I could go back three years and do it all over again with Pinterest by my side.

FOR INSTANCE:

The dress. My mom came down to Nashville one weekend to go dress shopping. After a balanced breakfast of one very large bacon and cheese omelette and three mimosas, we set out on the search for Mr. White.  Finding ourselves suffocating in aisles of lace and drunk Southern Belles, I quickly realized I needed to design my own dress. 

...and here's a chic looq we found on Pinterest:

Here's my dress:

olia zavozina caitlin
pinterest dress

Confession: there were three very obligatory details missing from my wedding. Fur, more fur, and Liza. (Our eyes met a few months later, while both eyeing the last doughnut at work. It's true, when you know, you just know...that the pastry was not meant to be shared).


The Bridesmaids. Spending $300 on a garment curated by yours truly is, in all honesty, a cheap styling appointment, but whatever. Since I actually liked my maids, they chose their own looqs and avoided being mistaken for an all-female choir. The result was really chic, but I'm still bitter I didn't find the perfect Pinterest look until 2 years later.

Reality:

vanderklok bridesmaids

The LBD can do no wrong, and with multiple lengths every bridesmaid is happy. Thanks, Pinterest! 

Dresses: Vera / Vera / Vera / Vera / Vera


The veil. To be clear, my "veil" was a piece of Italian lace that I thought would be kind of cute since I was marrying an Italian (disregard the Dutch last name), rather than a cathedral-length stunner. This Chanel veil is perfectly understated and breezy for a summer wedding. 

Look mom, no grays!

vanderklok veil

Bridal perfection veil of dreams.

chanel

The MOB looq. Pretty sure my mom bought her dress before we were engaged, so chic for her! Cue my impulse shopping gene. Either way, my mom has never and will probably never use Pinterest (albeit my multiple attempts at selling her on it). This one's just a pipe dream. 

HI MOM! Chic dress!

mom and dad

...only chicer with an eye patch!

MOB

The Honeymoon. Okay, Pinterest, I may as well be a f*cking world traveler because I'm all like "oh, this will be perfect when we attend a black tie event in Morocco! JK, we went to Tulum. Thought my hat was big enough until Pinterest waved her middle finger again in my direction.

Sombrero

big hat

All in all, our wedding day was absolutely divine. If I had a million dollars to do it all over again, I'd probably do it the exact same way and spend that money on my "Wishlist" pin board.... or maybe an extra cruditè.

Follow along on the action, excitement, and inspiration for your own wedding HERE

Also: YSF Pinterest board.

Also: We like this bitch's wedding looq!