You're Still Fat


An Ode to Starbucks Holiday Cups

Food, PoemBen HeinemannComment

The arrival of Starbucks' Red Cups signals a transitional moment for many basics, a moment that can be a little scary for many, as Pumpkin Spice Lattes give way to the Peppermint Mochas and Gingerbread lattes. The striking red of the cups can also compliment or totally ruin a looq, so to make sense out of all of this, here's Ben with an ode to the Red Cups. 

Where the fuq is my PSL?

No, I'm not okay, I need a fucking Xanax.

Fa la la la latte?

Lol K.


The warm sugary liquid warms my body

As I clasp my hands around this beautiful crimson creation.

Oh wait, that's just the Xanax.


Flames, on the side of my face.

Breathless, heaving... heaving breaths.



Visions of Starbucks Red Cups

Dancing in my head.

Oops, that wasn't a Xanax...

Michael Crichton

Art, Food, obesity, PoemCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Shadows of regret

Shadows of regret


Michael Crichton is this really chic still life photographer who lives in Toronto and makes us see the beauty in the things that make us ugly. What a dick, but also, YUM THOSE DONUTS LOOK CHIC AS SHIT! Like, most of the stuff is just #carbs #carbs #carbs and we're like "sick sick sick" but THEN.... 

So filling! I couldn't possibly finish it myself! 

So filling! I couldn't possibly finish it myself! 

Oh yum! A big salad! Most of his images are explosive in nature, not unlike our hearts when Pequods is at the door, or our stomachs twenty minutes later. We also really appreciate his suggested food pairings: wine with burgers, wine with chinese takeout. 

I can't decide if these images are portraits of obesity or portraits of bulimia: 

That lone piece of flying bacon is really speaking to me. I think I'll write a haiku (it's about the food pyramid but I didn't have enough syllables to include that).

Wine is Chinese food

Pyramids do not exist

Wine is a burger

When you delve a little deeper into the single-page portfolio on TMAR, you realize that some of his photographs are not of food but everything still looks really trippy and kind of like garbage, which is chic, but also not chic. Some of them look like Macy's dinnerware ads, which also look like garbage, which also looks like my dinnerware. Poverty is chic.







Portrait of a Sunday morning

Portrait of a Sunday morning

We salute you, Michael Crichton, whoever you are, for giving hope to those foods that would otherwise be left for the lonely or homeless. Using a lens as a utensil, you're making our mouths water and our stomachs concave.

All photos via Tim Mitchell Artist Representation. 

Fall Tidings

Fashim, Food, PoemBen HeinemannComment
Image via  Google Images  Search "Basic Bitch Fall"

Image via Google Images Search "Basic Bitch Fall"

Pumpkin Spice Latte.

My blood runs orange.

Fur stole, Fur stole, Fur stole.

Carving pumpkins, is that basiq?

Leaves crunching beneath my red bottoms,

Is that blood?

No, just my Louboutins.

Bobbing for apples instead of bobbing for cock

Shriek, shrieky, shrieky chic.

Thanksgiving dinner?

Where’s the barfatorium?

Please let it be covered in porcelain.

Peace n blessings.

Peace n blessings.

-Ben Heinemann