You're Still Fat

fashion week

#Trending For Fall: Dressing in Excess

fashion week, FashimCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Sip, swallow. Sip, spit. #balance

Sip, swallow. Sip, spit. #balance

Ignore your indian summer upper lip sweat. Leave your razor behind. Double-fist that non-fat skinny coconut milk Pumpkin Spice Latte and put on orange-tinted oversized sunnies, because it's time to welcome back woven nylon between our thighs. And officially find out what's in, what's out, what's faux, and what is absolutely no this fall. 

All praise layered polyester.

All praise layered polyester.

Gucci = God.

The Italian brand has resurrected our parents' youth, along with their chicest 70s looqs which we have since inherited/stolen, proving that god is real and turquoise jewelry is only acceptable when worn on every finger at once.

Styling tip: sport the largest stone on the finger that matters most. #┌∩┐ 

Do lipsmackers come in tinted Cheetoh dust???!

Do lipsmackers come in tinted Cheetoh dust???!

Mozzarella lip sticks

Neutral or orange lips will do the trick for day to night (no correlation to Halloween, just coincidentally spooky chic for you). 

What the FAUX.

What the FAUX.

Free the earth-toned bush.

Fur* should drape your shoulders (and even below the belt) for an authentic 70s looq, clothes on or off.

*Unless you're 50 Cent, then we know it's faux.

Camouflage your "jaw-line."

Camouflage your "jaw-line."

MANE MOMENTS

Keep the hair on your head natural, down, smooth and wavy (think Farrah Fawcett pre-drug OD). We recommend achieving this look with an abundance of dry shampoo and strictly refrain from any hair washing after July 4. Chic for you!

FUPAS FOR ALL!

FUPAS FOR ALL!

Jean sais quoi

Denim hasn't died, so continue with a Canadian tuxedo for every casual cocktail event (This one's for you, Jay!) Maybe even try to force your 2k16 body into your mom's 1971 bell bottoms for a vintage flare looq, immediately sacrificing every second serving in hopes of attaining her pre-teen BMI.

May your legs be as wide as Kendall's thigh gap.

Legs up to Olive Garden linguini.

Legs up to Olive Garden linguini.

V V Velvet

Velvet's no longer considered underground or over-dressed. So slap on some fuzzy chaps for the office or the train ride home, think of this as the wild west. And consider yourself Lady Velveeta



Which Fashion Week Baby Are You?

Fashim, quiz, fashion week, birth weightLiza RushComment

You're freshly bathed, abundantly SPF-ed, draped in a vintage Miu Miu cape with a removable hood, and ready to take on Fashion Week. But now the question is - where to sit? Are you in a front row booster seat at the end of the runway next to Diane Kruger? Or are you closing Burberry in gold lamè chaps with mom? Did you even remember your La Perla knee-highs under your Celine onesie this morning? Luckily for you, we're here to prescribe you a baby Xanax for your trending temper tantrum. Put down your flaxseed chocolate milk and put on your last-season-Marc-by-Marc-Jacobs thinking cap (too soon?) to find out who your inner celebrity baby is at Fashion Week.


Your Low-Cal Guide to #PFW

collections, fashion weekCaitlin VanderKlokComment

Happy Monday, freaks! In an effort to be fashionably late for Paris Fashion Week, we've rounded up who was in, what was out, and how many croissants went to waste. So pull up your balance ball chair, pretend to have a core and find out what you missed, who was dissed, and why Elton is pissed.

paris fashion week

Here's the skinny: 

  • Shriek of the Week: Dolce and Gabbana caused another stir from Milan by slamming IVF, gay marriage, etc...albeit that they're two gay men who had children walk their show last week. #BoycottDolceGabbana and throw away your sunglasses (we know they're fake anyway).
  • The Weasleys were shown up by Hogwarts' newest set of duplicates: Kim, Jared, and Draco.
  • Breakfast at Chanel: Calories of grapefruit presse, espresso, and hunks of baguette were served front row at Chanel, while models walked the runway at their birth weight.
  • Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis (let's call her Liz) filled everyone's instagram feed, leaving a bad taste in our mouths. 
  • Life imitated art at Junya Wantanabe's presentation...now, if only we could fold our sizes in half...