You're Still Fat

wishes

But... are bangs back?

Fashim, Looqs, wishesCaitlin VanderKlokComment

Medical reasons to get bangs:

  • you have a five head

  • your T-zone is more like a mirror

  • you’re too poor for botox

  • two words: crow’s feet

If two or more of those apply to you, then consider this (our and) the universe’s blessing, just make sure to snapchat us after. But if you checked none and STILL want them, then mercury must be in retrograde or you’re about to start your cycle because let’s not forget those petite coifs are a commitment. And not to be taken lightly. So in a hormonal moment, we’re here to hand you a theoretical tampon. Put down your Oprah Chai and let us guide you through the chic, mostly shriek, but also chic history of furry foreheads.

bangs

It's 11:11 And you're still fat

wishes, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment

Happy Friday the 13th! In honor of this cursed day, please allow us to bless you with a list of 13 chic things you can wish for at 11:11 today:

  1. Food poisoning.
  2. Zero-cal vodka
  3. This, this, this, this, this, this, this.
  4. Turning 28 with the metabolism of a pre-teen
  5. Concave middles
  6. This YSF x Moschino iPhone case that's just like, "NBD I eat carbs"
  7. Size 00 that's a tad too loose
  8. Being in between sizes, like, newborn and toddler
  9.  Cheese plants
  10. The demise of the 21st century mullet: the fedora
  11. Time lapse to before Beyonce had hair as long as Prince George's christening gown
  12. Your ratty H&M staple is mistaken for Chanel...oh, this old thing?! 
  13. A jawline