You're Still Fat

Chicago

#Summertimethigh (A YSF Guide to Summer Day Drinking)

Food, Looqs, Chicago, ShopCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Does this flute make my wrists look thin?

Does this flute make my wrists look thin?

Every kween knows that #summertimechi means much more than pretending to like dancing in aerie high-waisted bikinis at Castaways, or the Saturday walk of shame, holding your flatform espadrilles after closing out The Apartment the night prior...shriek!  Oh bbs, it means so much more (read: DRINKING ON PATIOS). So in an effort to show you how to minimize your weight watchers points while maximizing your buzz, we said "OHHHHhhh, YUM," popped a tums and made our way to Old Town Social to taste test the best ways to make bevvies our breakfast, lunch and dinner. So break out the cat eye Le Specs, smear on colourpop's ultra matte lip, and make your instagram bio "rosé all day" (if it isn't already), then read on to savor our top 5 summer tips for liquid calorie consumption.

Toast every sip, no matter the size.

Toast every sip, no matter the size.

1. ALWAYS SPLIT A BOTTLE

As you know, when it comes to being fiscally responsible, we actually have no idea WTF we're doing. So when the wait staff recommends a bottle "to share," start with just one, then continue to split bottles until there's a 1:1 ratio of bottles to bodies. Think of this as a "small plates" food experience. It's less conspicuous and you get way more ice this way (so filling!).

Do you have like a really really really really long straw?

Do you have like a really really really really long straw?

Since you're already a little buzzed, here is a v v v v mathematical algorithm rule of thumb:

glass of rosé < bottle of Cook's < entire drink menu x 3 / ice = uber xxl

All for one...the bill that is.

All for one...the bill that is.

2. NEVER DRINK ALONE

This is an urban myth that only exists in places we've never been, like my grandma's bridge group. At times, a mason jar filled with an unknown substance found in the back of our desk drawer is the only way we get through M - F.  On that note, sharing a buzz is practically the first must of any summer survival guide. We recommend a subtle group-text of every drink emoji to your nearest and dearest, then expensing the drinks on their company AmEx to give your own wallet a little seasonal detox. 

YSF
YSF

3. DAY DRINK ON SUNDAYS

Put on your Sunday Best (whatever you wore last night). The bigger the shades, the better. Saunter out for brunch....with mimosas, bloody marys, prosecco, micheladas and rosè? After all, it is Lourde's day.

P.S. Interested in Liza's ice cream fascinator? US TOO! Chic news: you can get your own right HERE at ysf

SUNS OUT, TUMS OUT

SUNS OUT, TUMS OUT

4. EMBRACE DOUBLE-FISTING

Two desserts are always better than one, and the same rings true when it comes to quenching our thirst. Keeping a variety of flavors on hand to dabble between basically makes you a mixologist soooooooo....

This summer, we're most thankful for uber split fare.

This summer, we're most thankful for uber split fare.

5. CABS ARE YOUR BEST FRENEMY

This is actually true bc we're always always always always late and always always always a little drunk. (Disclaimer: we were an hour late to meet Christina for this and she STILL thinks we're chic, #godisreal)

While you're still here, a pro tip: never, under any circumstances, ever look at your uber ride history unless you'd really like to know what poverty actually feels like.

I'll take a bouquet of flowers  &amp; &nbsp;bubbles, thnx!

I'll take a bouquet of flowers & bubbles, thnx!

Special thanks to Christina for introducing us to the concept of wearing a napkin as a neck scarf, to Old Town Social for not kicking us out after sitting on top of 2-3 occupied booths, and to Flowers for Dreams for giving us a fragrant moment to mask our beer breath. We can't wait to not remember the next three months.


Hyde & Chic

Chicago, LooqsLiza RushComment
American Horror Story: Covered in Carbs

American Horror Story: Covered in Carbs

Visiting the University of Chicago is like being on the set of American Horror Story but shrieky chic, and it has a Papa Johns!

In an effort to enjoy the last season in which we can officially feel our faces, we migrated south, dragging the men in our lives on a yearly pilgrimage to Hyde Park. First stop: Promontory to absorb calories with a side of jazz. Googled only to realize drinks weren't served until 5pm. So we made the obvious second choice - Bar Louie.

now to WALK OFF THE FRESHMEN FIFTY..

Not gargoyles

Not gargoyles

Not London

Not London

It's equally chic and shriek to go on these adventures as a foursome. At first it's all, "double date! this is so cliche but cute of us!" Then one of them butts in on the legends of the iron-taloned maven atop the building next to us, and all we're thinking about is what's for dinner (Bar Louie skimped on the fries).

Caution: Food coma seizing may occur.

Caution: Food coma seizing may occur.

Trying to recreate an organic Ralph Lauren beauty looq, this gif emerged - instilling a fear that even your future children will feel.*

*Note Caitlin's slow and steady death BY laughter due to the sheer psychotic nature of it all. 

Channeling the tone of surrounding gothic architecture with resting bitchface.

Channeling the tone of surrounding gothic architecture with resting bitchface.

What do normal people do?
— Caitlin

Trends on campus were denim, denim, and Merrells - which are shriek (except for Finals week). But then Leandra Medine posted a picture of herself wearing socks with sandals, reminding us that things could always be worse and maybe even...chic?

I take back what I said about the Merrells only because Ross has a pair and I don't want to lose my Christmas liquor privileges. - C

Do my ankles look thin?

Do my ankles look thin?

Moral of the expedition: No matter what you're wearing - or not wearing, if your backdrop is really really really really really old, you'll probably look chic.

 

SO CHEERS TO PASTIES THIS WINTER!

Chicago by Celebri-city

Chicago, FashimLiza RushComment

Cook County is full of psychos. But here at YSF, we call those psychos our frienemies. So drop a pin and navigate the streets of the windy city by celebrity stalking neighborhoods with our proposed sometimes-semi-famous inhabitants (outlined below).      

Consider this your GPS:

1. Andersonville

Rosie O'Donnell circa The Rosie O'Donnell Show, smothered in flannel and enjoying a carb-filled brunch. Oh, YUM! 

2. Wrigleyville

Amanda Bynes dripping in vodka sodas at da club, pre @PersianLa, twerking to Drake, giving zero fucks.

3. Boystown

Carmen Electra, today, yesterday, and tomorrow

4. Roscoe Village

Hilary Duff IRL just like pushing a baby stroller, wearing Lulu, drinking a juice, and being chic with a touch of designer shades (but also not that chic).

5. Lincoln Park

The Coach-wearing-brunch-loving-inspirational-quote-canvas-owning fetus of Anne Hathaway and Kim K. They LITERALLY DIIIIE for Beyoncé hair flips, Ugg Boot Season, and had a framed photo of Chad Michael Murray in their locker in high school. And we're over it.

6. River North

Lauren Conrad circa Laguna Beach, Lauren Conrad circa The Hills, Lauren Conrad circa "L.C."

7. Gold Coast

Joan Rivers pre-E! when she was draped in luxury and costume jewelry, minus the faux diamonds.

8. West Loop

Ms. Lohan current day, always checking her reflection like "am I chic again yet?!" Sorry babe.

9. Wicker Park

Is not MK, but the Rag and Bone slip peeking out from under her garbage bag-inspired dress. Like, oh, this old thing? *camera flashes*

10. South Loop

Iggy Azaela's hip padding paired with two "statement" necklaces taking selfies in the L reflection. Your trying is making us really really really really really really tired. 

11. Humboldt Park/Logan Square

Winona Ryder in Reality Bites with a closet full of oversized sweaters and clean-ish hair swaddled in the aroma of cigarettes at the farmer's market.

12. Pilsen

The (literal) love child of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz. 

13. Hyde Park

Just like really educated young hipsters who read books older than we are. Enter Janelle Monáe.

14. South Chicago/Indiana

Kylie Jenner's tumbleweave...


Not Pictured:

Streeterville - No one cares. You're Tara Reid