You're Still Fat

Dunkin Donuts

Because It's the (Giant) Cup

fat(e), ChicagoLiza RushComment
lord stanley

Three times in six years, the Chicago Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup, which is coincidentally equivalent to the number of times we've stepped onto an elliptical. Anywho, that got us thinking. How big is the cup actually? Can it hold 2 bottles of White Girl Rosè or maybe even 3? Can we use it on 7-Eleven bring your own cup day? (#dreams) Do free refills still apply?!! So we pulled our hands out of the bottom of the Lays bag and reverted to digging deep into the rolls of the interweb to find out just how hungry we were. (Spoiler alert: VERY)

The Cup can holds 172 large Salted Caramel Milkshakes from the Chicago Diner. That's 2.15 gallons of award-winning vegan milkshake - not counting the whipped cream. Size 18W bottoms up!

chicago diner milkshakes

Wash down the faux dairy with one of YSF's MVPs, refined sugar in the form of 200 Dunkin' Munchkins. Use the 497-cubic inches to add variety with chocolate glazed, powdered sugar, and even a few cinnamon sugar because we all know Chicago runs on Duncan (GET IT?!)*

dunkin munchkins

Keep your next snack light with 34.4 cups of quinoa for 137 Ikram salads. At 122 calories per salad, might as well make multiple farm-to-table trips for seconds. YUM! 

ikram cafe

Mirror the Cup structure with Dusek's Shellfish Tier and drown the Cup with 32 ramekins of their homemade Tabasco sauce - you know, just for a dollop of flavor. 

tabasco

Now, it would be a sin if we didn't acknowledge the place where Lord Stanley is worshipped 365 days a year. The place where you once sported "formal shorts" with four-inch Steve Madden heels from DSW - in the middle of February. The place where you finished off the night at a hairless-chested-stranger's apartment overlooking the Golden Arches on Clark Ave: Wrigleyville. Where the drink of choice is two and a half 96-ounce vodka fishbowls from Merkle's, which is precisely how much the Cup (and our stomachs) can hold.

fish bowl

Counteract the inevitable hangover with a Vienna beef hot dog, 138 of them, actually, and fill the Cup to the brim, courtesy of Al's Beef

hot dogs

Cheers to you, Lord Stanley, for filling our hearts and stomachs. Until next year, when we fill the Cup with GMOs! 

*Full Disclosure: we know nothing about hockey, Mel was kind enough to mic drop some sporty knowledge. 

Images // Milkshake, Donuts, Ikram, Tabasco, Fish Bowl, Hot Dog


Conversation Piece: Faux (Cro)nut

Food, obesity, fat(e), Conversation PiecesCaitlin VanderKlokComment

Before today, we had always questioned fate. Like, will we ever be rich? Will Bey and J be together forevs? Then, on this brisk Tuesday morning, we walked into the Dunkin Donuts at Chicago and Franklin and there were two pieces of fried dough layered to perfection just sitting there, waiting for us. The LAST TWO. We plopped down at a table with the new Croissant Donut and... 

  1. Like, they're pretty small! 
  2. We're excited.
  3. Denser than I expected.
  4. Small but dense. Yeah. 
  5. It's like a glazed croissant with a hole.
  6. I feel like a New Yorker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. * head tilt *
  8. People are staring at us.
  9. It's weird that there are no advertisements for it. 
  10. Their biggest promotion is the chicken flatbread, which like, we're already over it. 
  11. Is a croissant donut part of the secret menu? 
  12. Does Dunkin have a secret menu? 
  13. Cue Jessie J on the radio.
  14. My friend Mark plays a really great rendition of this song.
  15. That middle-aged man seems pretty into it.
  16. Bobbing his head.
  17. Since there were only two left when we got here, who got all the other ones? 
  18. It's pretty flaky.
  19. Just like my ex-boyfriend.
  20. I wonder if he's had one of these.
  21. Where is Greg Avdoian right now?* 
  22. Oh, we have to limit our stay to 30 minutes. There's a sign.
  23. Are bangs back? 
  24. The general manager here looks like that guy from Modern Family.
  25. He's wearing a Canadian Tuxedo. Pretty chic but kind of shriek.
  26. What if Dunkin Donuts changed their uniform policy to only Canadian Tuxedos? 
  27. Is denim on denim on denim the new black? 
  28. I'm gonna have to get a kale smoothie for lunch because of this. 
  29. Thank God I'm wearing high-waisted pants.
  30. Wait, is that Gayle on TV?
  31. Who knew CBS had a morning show? 
  32. Jonny is here. Spits out gum immediately. Tries croissant donut. 
  33. "Good! Flavorful. Calories."
  34. "I don't want anything in here. Bye." 
  35. They just called out number 74. Does that mean 74 people have been here today?
  36. At least a third of the people that have been here today have gotten a croissant donut.
  37. The Dunkin Donuts worker's name was Yesenia. 
  38. So is the Y silent? Or ... what? 
  39. This girl with the fur and the leggings, either her outfit was completely intentional or she just rolled out of bed.
  40. There's no in-between. 
  41. You can tell this Thanksgiving wall decor is from the dollar store.
  42. Do you think Dunkin will ever come out with a holiday cup? 
  43. Should we ask? No. 
  44. Would Queen Elizabeth try this? 
  45. What if a cronut was Prince George's first real piece of food? 
  46. What's a better way to say "real piece of food"? 
  47. Wait, does Dunkin even have croissants? Like regular croissants? 
  48. Shoutout to Yesenia at Franklin and Chicago. 
  49. Is that Pari

*Greg Avdoian eventually showed up. Caitlin was so excited she broke a nail.