You're Still Fat

Marina Arnone

Make America Eat Again

Food, Looqs, FashimCaitlin VanderKlokComment
red, white & regret

red, white & regret

Some bb with bad brows once snapchatted us "what you eat in private, you wear in public." And to that we say....."k." After googling 'eating clean' and only finding youtube videos of millenials under 100 lbs, we gave up and just put american cheese directly on our upper arms, eliminating the middle man. 

In honor of god blessing the vets, four day weekends, and well-done third degree burns on the back thighs below your bun cheeks (you know the spot) we bring you the do's and absolfuckinlutely do-not's of BB-Q season. Dust off your last season are-these-still-chic birkenstocks, throw on a marimekko for Target caftan and swig some Skinny Girl margarita straight from the freezer, then find out how we made raw meat actually work as a really great & organic arch support. Chic!        

you say tomato, we say stiletto 

you say tomato, we say stiletto 

Begin below the ankle with a vegan statement piece rich in primary colors and "nutrients." Bonus points if the banana peel acts as a moisturizer for your knock-off-mohawk-YSL callouses. 

frank you sir, may i have another?

frank you sir, may i have another?

Let the meat-eaters in your life know that you're really into GMO's of every variety with all-beef accoutrements, wafting with the subtle romantic scent of the chargrilled season. Top it off with your own take on toppings, Chic-ago style.

JELLO FROM THE OTHERSIDE

JELLO FROM THE OTHERSIDE

Create a well-balanced ball-to-heel support with the perfect pairings of appeteasers, main, and dessert courses, all where the weight will end up eventually--your cankles! 

#neverforget: beauty fades, hunger remains

#neverforget: beauty fades, hunger remains

Finally, steal the spotlight from the dessert table with some low calorie substitutes for your appendages. A pop of color & convenient calories = YUM! 

Gingham-filled gratitude to Marina for eating the watermelon and snapping our v v raw looqs.


NEVER EATING AGAIN

Food, Holiday, Looqs, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
The ham quickly disappeared from the scene and is assumed to be the lead person of interest in the case of missing self-control.

The ham quickly disappeared from the scene and is assumed to be the lead person of interest in the case of missing self-control.

the looqs: [bottom] american apparel striped tights, jeffrey campbell blue suede shoes, [top] vera wang!............. for kohl's tights, vintage blue suede shoes    

You know that feeling when you're half-a-bite away from your gut actually combusting, but you push it to the limit? Time to welcome your Thanksgiving hangover! We're officially DEAD DEAD DEAD after that seventh serving of marshmallow-covered-pumpkin-pie. "You are what you eat," they say, and to that, we say "KILL ME BEFORE I EAT ANOTHER." We'll be over here in a food coma, swearing off eating until....we see those extra leftovers in the fridge tonight.

So, let's attempt to lift our wrists and raise a glass to no crudité going untouched, your choice to heap a second servings of gravy over that kale and quinoa stuffing, pie for breakfast, and every available snack with your girlfriends this holiday season. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger (and fatter).

She thought three eggs would hold her over until lunch. They held her all the way  to the grave .

She thought three eggs would hold her over until lunch. They held her all the way to the grave.

the looq: american appareal two-toned tights (similar), shoes that live in the bottom of liza's closet
Two remain in critical consumption condition after realizing they were eating SALTED butter. The horror.

Two remain in critical consumption condition after realizing they were eating SALTED butter. The horror.

the looqs: tights provided by caitlin's closet, old navy platform sneakers (on clearance now for $7!!!!), last season jeffrey campbell buckle flats
She used her tongue in place of a sponge, lacerating her gums and forcing her to rely solely on chocolate milkshakes and stomach bile until New Year's Eve. YUM!

She used her tongue in place of a sponge, lacerating her gums and forcing her to rely solely on chocolate milkshakes and stomach bile until New Year's Eve. YUM!

 the looq: tights by HUE, charles david mud-covered suede pumps 
The spaghetti was mislabeled as gluten free, she ate four pounds of it, and then  she died.

The spaghetti was mislabeled as gluten free, she ate four pounds of it, and then she died.

the looqs: forever 21 mustard tights, target black loafers, heels dusted off from ca. 2009

Please remember to eat responsibly this holiday season. Plastic sporks in purses strongly encouraged.


Fat Camp (a YSF Guide For Fall)

looqs, obesity, TravelLiza RushComment
Fall is here so SHHHHHHHH.

Fall is here so SHHHHHHHH.

Fall is here, and like rose gold clockwork, our inner basics were screaming to get out and immediately retrieve the nectar of the North Face gods - a PSL. So last weekend, we said OK ALREADY, hopped in a car, and really embraced the return of fabric between our thighs as we set out on the first annual official YSF Fall Roadtrip. So hike up your Lululemon yoga pants, throw on your boyfriend's of-the-moment oversized college sweatshirt, and chug a Pumpkin Spice Choco-Chai to reach full basic potential, then read on to learn our top 5 tips for a chic fall excursion.

Perfect your winter skin.

Perfect your winter skin.

1. BARE SOME SKIN

As you know, it's officially the last season of the year in which any inch of skin can be fully exposed. With that in mind, we made our first stop at the Sun Aura resort, a nudist trailer park colony. The two chicest things about our stop? The front office windows were perfect for our first #NudistSelfie (unbeknownst to us, it was a two-way mirror). Secondly, the sweet ladies at the front desk would not accept that any of us were over the age of 21 (In an ironic twist, Liza celebrates the end of her youth today as she turns 28)! Disregarding the fact that photos are strictly forbidden on the Sun Aura property grounds, we asked one of the front desk ladies to be our stand-in photographer for the Leg Sundial, a famous roadside landmark. Which was chic for us, until the quick nudist pitstop turned into some real True Detective type shit, ending in a strange man's truck with no hand sanitizer. the horror.

What's the wifi password?!?!?

What's the wifi password?!?!?

2. GO GLAMPING

Grab your best girlfriends, the cheapest red wine you can find, a thrift store Patagucci, and pretend to know how to build a fire without vodka. But then also be sipping vodka.

Are saltines a safe firewood substitute?

Are saltines a safe firewood substitute?

Packing and preparation is key.

So, since you're feeling really, really really tired today, we've kindly compiled a list of the packing basics:

  • the cheapest champagne, preferable Cook's, to initiate the newest emoji into texts with your BFF
  • saltines as an "in case of emergency" carb / to soak-up morning after hangovers
  • sheepskin rug because #instagrams
  • plaid vomiting on everything, obviously
  • Target-purchased wood because what are the outdoors really?
  • Brown lipstick to match the bark you'll later pee on #NaturesPocket
Oh honey, there's no coffee in this mug.

Oh honey, there's no coffee in this mug.

Does my shadow look thin?

Does my shadow look thin?

3. LOVE LAYERS

Personally, we're used to layering - especially when it comes to avocado toast. But this is the time to wear every item in your closet purchased on sale from the J.Crew Outlet last year AT ONCE. Cashmere blend, cashmere blend, plaid-printed cashmere blend. 

drunks

4. EMBRACE THE OUTDOORS

But actually, just fill a mug with A LOT of boxed red wine and pretend you're not that cold. Then later, if you're still BRRR, play "slap the bag" until your pants look like you're an extra from The Walking Dead. Take our word, this works. 

Embracing nature is easier to do when you're drunk and unstable.

Embracing nature is easier to do when you're drunk and unstable.

5. TAKE ENGAGEMENT PICTURES

Who cares if you're single or even married?! It's golden hour, and that only lasts, like, 60 minutes. 

May your rock be bigger than your appetite.

May your rock be bigger than your appetite.

One more v.important tip, while you're still here. Don't put out your fire with the rest of the Yellow Tail Pinot Noir and expect to have the smoky burned wine stench not ignite your gag reflex (we recommend using water instead).

Welcoming our sweater bodies with open arms.

Welcoming our sweater bodies with open arms.

Our most thankful feelings to Marina for the pics and Kailyn for the hangovers. KISSES!