You're Still Fat

Mary Kate Olsen

Chicago by Celebri-city

Chicago, FashimLiza RushComment

Cook County is full of psychos. But here at YSF, we call those psychos our frienemies. So drop a pin and navigate the streets of the windy city by celebrity stalking neighborhoods with our proposed sometimes-semi-famous inhabitants (outlined below).      

Consider this your GPS:

1. Andersonville

Rosie O'Donnell circa The Rosie O'Donnell Show, smothered in flannel and enjoying a carb-filled brunch. Oh, YUM! 

2. Wrigleyville

Amanda Bynes dripping in vodka sodas at da club, pre @PersianLa, twerking to Drake, giving zero fucks.

3. Boystown

Carmen Electra, today, yesterday, and tomorrow

4. Roscoe Village

Hilary Duff IRL just like pushing a baby stroller, wearing Lulu, drinking a juice, and being chic with a touch of designer shades (but also not that chic).

5. Lincoln Park

The Coach-wearing-brunch-loving-inspirational-quote-canvas-owning fetus of Anne Hathaway and Kim K. They LITERALLY DIIIIE for Beyoncé hair flips, Ugg Boot Season, and had a framed photo of Chad Michael Murray in their locker in high school. And we're over it.

6. River North

Lauren Conrad circa Laguna Beach, Lauren Conrad circa The Hills, Lauren Conrad circa "L.C."

7. Gold Coast

Joan Rivers pre-E! when she was draped in luxury and costume jewelry, minus the faux diamonds.

8. West Loop

Ms. Lohan current day, always checking her reflection like "am I chic again yet?!" Sorry babe.

9. Wicker Park

Is not MK, but the Rag and Bone slip peeking out from under her garbage bag-inspired dress. Like, oh, this old thing? *camera flashes*

10. South Loop

Iggy Azaela's hip padding paired with two "statement" necklaces taking selfies in the L reflection. Your trying is making us really really really really really really tired. 

11. Humboldt Park/Logan Square

Winona Ryder in Reality Bites with a closet full of oversized sweaters and clean-ish hair swaddled in the aroma of cigarettes at the farmer's market.

12. Pilsen

The (literal) love child of Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz. 

13. Hyde Park

Just like really educated young hipsters who read books older than we are. Enter Janelle Monáe.

14. South Chicago/Indiana

Kylie Jenner's tumbleweave...

Not Pictured:

Streeterville - No one cares. You're Tara Reid