by mel safford
Happy Galentine's Day, bitches!! I hope you all are feelin' the love, and most importantly, the inner thigh chafe, on this beloved hallmark holiday. This year's big day is especially exciting for me as I'm marking the occasion with an inaugural You're Still Fat post (Disclaimer: I am YSF's biggest Stan. I love these women, their values, taste, and above all, Geneetra.). If we can't have a space to muse about arm cellulite, bloodies and donuts, then can we even? We can't. #YSF. Thx to da bawse ladiez and this wonderful community for the opportunity to b*tch and laugh and ramble on. X's!
Anyhoosier, as resident YSF single lady (shout out to the Stedmans, Yanni and Ross), I am an obvious choice for Head Valentine's Correspondent. You see, V-Day is like NYE for singles...another year over, a new one just begun. A chance to reflect (selfies!) on what, rather, who we've done in the last year and what's to come.
Oprah might say, "with every scorned Tinder lover, there is a lesson to be learned," or something like that. So grab your pencils, dust off your Bridget Jones DVD, twist off your SkinnyGirl Margarita caps and let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?
Since V-Day 2014, I dated/went steady/loved/talked/hooked up/texted/had sumpin' with......
- The guy who played Johnny Utah in point break Live #fantasy #notsuhmuch
- The guy you didn't realize looked just like your brother until the end of the date #shriek
- All Man Buns: If they have a man bun and talk about said man bun, it's not going to work out.
- All men from Minnesota. Love hockey, their moms, real estate, and cuddling. Find them, keep them.
- Antoine Walker...Ginuwine...Winner of America's Got Talent....better as friends.
So how's your list go, friends? Call me, beep me, let's get brunch and laugh our a$$es off. Cheers bitches, you're still single.
Until next time (#dryspell), Mels. xox