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Everything You Never Knew About the Pyeong F. Chang Winter Olympics

fat(e), Food, looqs, TravelLiza RushComment
On the road to gold(en dumplings).

On the road to gold(en dumplings).

As you know, we're HUGE sports fans so when the Olympic Committee for Overconsumption hand-picked *us* to give a behind-the-slopes looq of the winter games we knew this was a chance we couldn't turn down. Like the seventh free Polar PopAnd, apparently we weren't the ONLY ones on site at P. F. Chang's. So, it's time to triple-up your shades in lieu of ski goggles, switch your ringtone to Olympic fanfare and start saying brrrr every 2 1/2 mins because ... 

We're reporting live from Sochi!

This is our Everest.

This is our Everest.

If there's one thing you should know about being an athlete it's that we have really lean upper arms. Like, really, really lean. Like infant size, but only full of muscles, arteries and whey protein. So the first unofficial event before opening ceremony is a really big feat for some - like teensy Alexa Scimeca - carb loading! (This got us thinking, are we actually really, really athletic??) The rule of Olympic thumbs is eat until one of the following happens: die, sleep for 17 hours or get to high five Shaun White at the Opening Ceremony. Hi, Shaun!

And yeah, we did get the first unofficial gold in the first unofficial event.

liza rush
caitlin vanderklok

Day 1: The Opening Ceremony is actually like World Fashion Week. Of course Ralph designed the looq and of course we died for a fringe western glove and of course they were only made in athlete sample size (see infant arm above). So we made do with our eight carry-ons and threw on these patriotic rags. Shout-out to Nigeria for the chicest bejeweled turban looqs

Us + sad staircase

Us + sad staircase

Us + SoKo swag bags.

Us + SoKo swag bags.

Day 3: The ski lift was down, high shriek. So like peasants we were forced to take the stairs, until we found this secret America-only pop-up elevator. Go Team USA! 

Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Day 6: Insider theory is that all silverware in Pyeong F. Chang's was melted to create second place medals. Makes sense, doesn't it? Think about it.

Embracing the SoKo decor.

Embracing the SoKo decor.

Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Lindsey Vonn took both of these photos seconds before she got bronze. Thanks, girl!

If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

Day 11: While downing mulled wine in the Team USA elevator, we discovered a real piece of Olympic History, instated at Lake Placid in 1988. Every event has an emergency exit so Alpine Skiing doesn't turn into Alpine Peeing. 

The real Olympic Rings.

The real Olympic Rings.

Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

TFW they offer you  silver  ..... ew bye!!! 

TFW they offer you silver ..... ew bye!!! 

Day 13: The medal ceremonies are kind of like a marriage ceremony because you make your dad cry and your mother-in-law doesn't think your look is appropriate for national television. 

Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy??  ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy?? ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Tune in next week when we arrive at O'Hare with gold.... in doggy bags!


Dylan's Candy Barre Method

Chicago, Food, Looqs, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

Do these come in industrial size servings?!?!

As you know, we never turn down compliments OR complimentary calories, so when Dylan's Candy Bar invited us to exercise our multiple chins and tastebuds, we immediately ordered an uberXL and Diet Coke for the road. 

dylan's candy bar chicago

8PM: The workout begins with a candy-cocktail warm-up. Beads of sweat form on our hairlines as we fear the imminent crash-and-burn effect, but also for the excitement of the fructose-filled tabatas to come.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

Endorphins and obesity begin to flow.

8:15 PM: The first interval begins, with the focus area on exerting our jelly bellies. We rapidly flail our lunch-lady-toned-arms to and from the candy dish.

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

An energy boost in lieu of whey protein

8:30PM: We are given weightless medicine balls to fill and test our stomachs' strengths. Overwhelmed with options, we decide to take the liberal route by taste testing first, leaving no sweet treat behind, and FILL THAT SHIT UP. 

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

Just enough room to meet our weekly recommended intake!

8:45PM: The stamina drill, our most challenging yet. Five minute squats with 5lbs of monochromatic confection and NOT indulging.

dylan's candy bar

9PM: We cool down with blue sugar strips and a little less sanity than we began with. #BLESSED

let it ripppp

As the hour ended and our appetites did not, we thanked Dylan's Candy Bar for the best jazzercise a girl could ask for, then inquired about weekly sessions to substitute our Jane Fonda fat-burning sessions. If only our guts weren't as big as her blowouts...


Get the Fork Out

Chicago, Looqs, Music, VideoCaitlin VanderKlokComment
Not pictured: upper lip sweat

Not pictured: upper lip sweat

After an entire month of layering long sleeves under our caftans for the Dunkin Donuts drive thru line, summer finally decided to come out of the closet and reignite an old and familiar friend: our sweat glands. Between blotting our upper lips with tea tree sheets and sipping/slamming a few negroni slushies at Parson's, we realized the water weight we were losing deserved a celebration.  So we flew in our best YSF frenemies, slathered on the SPF 70, and got the fork out to Pitchfork Music Festival.

Special thigh claps to Ben, Emily + Mel for making it a moisty weekend and this video extra (large) special:

Post-Parson's Depression

Post-Parson's Depression


Raise a Perrier to a no-still-water weekend


bai

Outfit details Nightgown/Cape: $5 bin Lincoln Park garage sale / Sunglasses: Kokorokoko / Turban: H&M / Liza striped dress: Banana Republic (SHRIEK!)

Taking a moment to air out 

Taking a moment to air out 

And since it's Friday, here's a gif to get you feeling frisky for the weekend: 

ysf