You're Still Fat


An Open Letter to MyFitnessPal

birth weight, Food, Guest PostBen HeinemannComment

Dear MyFitnessPal,

So, okay first of all, I know I'm only supposed to eat 1250 calories per day according to my goal weight of 72 lbs, but when I eat less than that, why do you yell at me instead of being like "Hey you're being super anno, chic for you!" 

But seriously though, your constant push notifications (which i SWEAR I disabled) where you mouth-harass me by saying "YOU DIDN'T ENTER IN YOUR BREAKFAST, DO YOU WANT TO ENTER IT IN NOW?!?!?!" are really harshing my mellow. And like, hello, does it look like I eat breakfast? 

I used to like you. I loved using your built-in barcode scanner to enter in my zero calorie La Croix that I had for lunch because I felt good about myself. When I went on a run, the first thing I did was enter the total time and distance into you, so I could see how many items at McDonald's I could order that night. 

And now what do you do? You send me more push notifications being like "oh, weird, that salad you got from ModMarket that you thought was healthy actually had way more sodium in it than I want you to be having, and you're already over your daily intake, so how about taking a break babe." 

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a "pal" as "a close friend." When you serve me blog posts on your main screen with titles like "How to Break Out of Your Workout Rut," that's not being a pal. That's just being really really bitchy because how did you know I haven't been to the gym in two weeks?

So please just stop. Stop it right now. You haven't even been correctly counting the steps from the built-in pedometer in my iPhone 6.