You're Still Fat

Quiz: Which Queer Eye Shadow Are You?

quiz, fat(e)Caitlin VanderKlokComment
queer eye quiz

It's no Vicky's Secret that we love a binge moment. But this is literally the only time we're not Gchatting about calories. You know what we're talking about, Henny! From Tom in Ep. 1 to Remington sporting his dad's vintage fedora (which we're still not over), we fell in a deep lust with the newest dose of Fab Five. Ok we're being such a Jonathan rn. ANYWHO, since we can't literally be part of the Fab Five and don't know where TF Atlanta is, why not channel some chic Fab Five looqs for ourselves in a fun quiz?! Follow the path below to find out which Queer Eye (shadow) you are. 

QUEER_EYE_QUIZ.png

Everything You Never Knew About the Pyeong F. Chang Winter Olympics

fat(e), Food, looqs, TravelLiza RushComment
 On the road to gold(en dumplings).

On the road to gold(en dumplings).

As you know, we're HUGE sports fans so when the Olympic Committee for Overconsumption hand-picked *us* to give a behind-the-slopes looq of the winter games we knew this was a chance we couldn't turn down. Like the seventh free Polar PopAnd, apparently we weren't the ONLY ones on site at P. F. Chang's. So, it's time to triple-up your shades in lieu of ski goggles, switch your ringtone to Olympic fanfare and start saying brrrr every 2 1/2 mins because ... 

We're reporting live from Sochi!

 This is our Everest.

This is our Everest.

If there's one thing you should know about being an athlete it's that we have really lean upper arms. Like, really, really lean. Like infant size, but only full of muscles, arteries and whey protein. So the first unofficial event before opening ceremony is a really big feat for some - like teensy Alexa Scimeca - carb loading! (This got us thinking, are we actually really, really athletic??) The rule of Olympic thumbs is eat until one of the following happens: die, sleep for 17 hours or get to high five Shaun White at the Opening Ceremony. Hi, Shaun!

And yeah, we did get the first unofficial gold in the first unofficial event.

liza rush
caitlin vanderklok

Day 1: The Opening Ceremony is actually like World Fashion Week. Of course Ralph designed the looq and of course we died for a fringe western glove and of course they were only made in athlete sample size (see infant arm above). So we made do with our eight carry-ons and threw on these patriotic rags. Shout-out to Nigeria for the chicest bejeweled turban looqs

 Us + sad staircase

Us + sad staircase

 Us + SoKo swag bags.

Us + SoKo swag bags.

Day 3: The ski lift was down, high shriek. So like peasants we were forced to take the stairs, until we found this secret America-only pop-up elevator. Go Team USA! 

 Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Practicing our freestyle skiing ... form.

Day 6: Insider theory is that all silverware in Pyeong F. Chang's was melted to create second place medals. Makes sense, doesn't it? Think about it.

 Embracing the SoKo decor.

Embracing the SoKo decor.

 Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Teamwork is key, especially when you're too bloated to bend over.

Lindsey Vonn took both of these photos seconds before she got bronze. Thanks, girl!

 If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

If you press this button, your MOM shows up! 

Day 11: While downing mulled wine in the Team USA elevator, we discovered a real piece of Olympic History, instated at Lake Placid in 1988. Every event has an emergency exit so Alpine Skiing doesn't turn into Alpine Peeing. 

 The real Olympic Rings.

The real Olympic Rings.

 Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

Acting surprised when we placed first in Hurling.

 TFW they offer you  silver  ..... ew bye!!! 

TFW they offer you silver ..... ew bye!!! 

Day 13: The medal ceremonies are kind of like a marriage ceremony because you make your dad cry and your mother-in-law doesn't think your look is appropriate for national television. 

 Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy??  ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Guess which one's Tonya and which one's Nancy?? ....makes sense, doesn't it? 

Tune in next week when we arrive at O'Hare with gold.... in doggy bags!


Your 2018 Period Playlist

birth weight, fat(e), Music, obesityCaitlin VanderKlokComment
 <3 our cycles are synced <3

<3 our cycles are synced <3

If there's one thing you should know about us, it's that we've been emotionally menstruating since January 20, 2017 ... think about it. Anyway, the State of the Uniom last week really increased our flow so we started googling, "can excess blood flow mean increased weight loss? Does a year-long cycle mean you're pregnant? Are diva cups a tax write-off?!!!" And we discharged, er, discovered some info. The Blood Moon was literally mother nature's period and is causing two red visitors this month. Just in time for a winter weekend white-out, shrieky-chic! 

 courage is all red on a white couch, AMIRIGHT LADIES?!

courage is all red on a white couch, AMIRIGHT LADIES?!

So we're dedicating a playlist to those special every 28 days, or in our case - 365 emotions a week. Break out your elastic waistband, padlock your pantry, and call your mom because it's time to let it ALL OUT. 

Best enjoyed with a bottle of red wine, half a xanny, and Stepmom playing on OWN.

DFWM

TALK TO ME IN 28 DAYS

B*TCH!